The Clean Sheet: Abomination
Watching the Fire nearly win was bad enough
It was bad enough the Hoops were blowing chances all night, but then Chris Rolfe closes his eyes, swings really hard, and completely by accident unleashes a coiling laser beam into the upper corner. Love to see him try that one again.
And to make matters worse, ESPN2 decided to bring the "Beckham Cam" into disrepute by lowering its standards enough to follow a Fire player around all night.
Well, at least it was our buddy Blanco, who is usually guaranteed to bring some life to the party. Yeah, he can play. NNB, the player we love to hate (or hate to love in some cases), is also usually good for a cheap shot or two and teaching us some new swear words in Spanish.
As it turns out, Blanco couldn't even do that right. While even my biased, Fire-hating eyes can see that Blanco has breathed a new life into that glorified USL team since his arrival, he clearly was not ready for Primetime Thursday night. I mean, I don't remember a single knee below the belt anywhere.
Then 83 minutes into the match, Blanco came off. With seven minutes left in a Brimstone Cup showdown with playoff chances on the line, he left? I know most people in Chicago can't count to 90, but c'mon, he should know how long a game is.
So in the end, the Blanco Cam made my night. Because when Little Fishy banged in the equalizer in stoppage time, the Blanco Cam guy didn't have to look to hard to find his man ... on the sidelines watching his playoff hopes takes a cheap shot in the gut.
So what comes out of last night?
First off, let's get the Fire talk out of the way. Last night was another reminder that Blanco has taken this team to a different level (not that it is saying much given what they used to look like). Chicago is 4-2-3 since NNB showed up, so I guess you have to give the always-smiling Mexican star some credit. It's killing me.
Despite Blanco's presence, Little Fishy's robbery of the two points kept Chicago in danger of missing the playoffs and therefore upholding the integrity of the MLS Cup Playoffs. If the Fire make it, clearly the new system is broken. And speaking of Carlos Ruiz, are you kidding me with that haircut? His new 'do is some sort of Mohawk with a blond streak on top and then some divots shaved out on the side.
Dude looks like he lost a bet that Britney Spears would rock at the VMA's.
But with three goals in the last two games, if he finally starts scoring goals again he can go put a yellow beaver on his head like Donald Trump for all I care.
And speaking of haircuts, was great to see MVP candidate Juan Toja and his awful 1980's rock ballad singer mullet back on the pitch last night for the Hoops. Gonna need that ankle healthy ...
FLICK-ONS:
Do you even remember July 7? It was almost two and a half months ago.
That was like three Lindsay Lohan arrests and one "wide stance" ago. Heck, O.J. had only gotten away with the one crime back then.
That was also the last time Toronto FC scored a goal.
There's really not much more to say at this point about the record drought. All my jokes about dry spells in high school or what you could do with a fistful of pardons in a women's prison won't help.
Mo Johnston needs to suit up. I don't mean put on a uniform and play (although we are getting dangerously close to that). I mean "suit up" like Barney in "How I Met Your Mother" -- step up to the task and figure something out. Those awesome fans deserve better.
And speaking of the Great North, you know I always like to give shout-outs to my Minnesota peeps. So here are two.
First, check out fellow Minnesotan Brian Baumgartner (he plays Kevin on "The Office") in a really funny appearance on Fox's "Talk Show with Spike Feresten" this Saturday night.
Then, for the latest in footie news, check out a Minnesota-based blog called Du Nord.
Apparently he likes to take shots at me, but there is always room for another Minnesotan who loves the game.
During the season, The Clean Sheet runs each week on MLSnet. Views and opinions expressed in this column views and opinions are the author's, and not necessarily those of Major League Soccer or MLSnet.com. Send any questions and comments to tcsresponses@yahoo.com
